Inviting Love In – Week 3

Inviting Love In – Week 3


Finding Love Womens HQ


The week began with a date…. Yay!!

In spite of telling myself that this was just a first meeting with a new person who I may or may not like to get to know further, I couldn’t help but have the butterflies that let me know this was no ordinary meeting. This may be the beginning of something much bigger. No pressure much!

We had exchanged a few messages which flowed fairly easily although there were some things he wrote which made my internal warning system go off. Determined to avoid making assumptions and to give someone the benefit of the doubt, I pushed them aside and continued on the path.

I broke the rule which I have had for my entire 14 years of online dating – I agreed to meet for lunch. This, I determined, would separate the men from the boys. It’s very easy to fake genuineness and be on your best behaviour when it is a short half hour meeting for coffee. Different story all together when you have to navigate the meal setting. Choosing where to sit, deciding what to eat, how they behave when ordering, who pays for the meal, and then a prolonged period of having to make conversation should give me a good indication of what someone is really like. Shouldn’t it??

Being late never sets a good impression and I am the one usually guilty of it, Low and behold though if he doesn’t text to say he’s running a few minutes late. Wow, is this a sign?? Haha

It’s always awkward when you are meeting someone for the first time and you’re not really sure if you will recognise them from their profile picture, especially when you are meeting in a very public place with lots of people around. It’s a great test of courage and we both pass the test!

An awkward embrace, kind of side cheek kiss and then we head off on a walk along the beach where we try to sound like our most interesting and nicest selves. Conversation actually flows quite easily although there are a few roadblocks like “not into movies of any kind” and “I want to live the grey nomad lifestyle with someone in the not too distant future”. That would be okay of course if I think along a remotely similar line, but I don’t. Then there is that little sinking feeling in the gut that is my instinct telling me, “nope, this isn’t him”. Sigh.

We enjoy a nice walk and then a nice lunch as he is a nice guy. He’s complimentary, “you are so cute” and doesn’t seem to have any weird food, nazi tendencies lol. I suggest we pay for our own, which he agrees (chivalry sometimes is really dead) and we enjoy our meals with me asking pretty much all of the questions and him going along happily for the ride. What is it with men that here they are meeting someone for the first time and they don’t want to know anything??!! They are quite happy to talk all about themselves, usually prompted by my curiosity, but they don’t do any of the heavy lifting when it comes to enquiry. It’s not that I sit there giving them the Spanish inquisition. In fact there are several silences because I stop talking, giving them an opportunity to say or ask whatever they should desire. But nothing. Silence.

Towards the end of lunch I get this comment –  “this is usually where I think it was a waste of half an hour, but not this time”, which I guess means he’s enjoyed meeting me. I actually wonder what he is really thinking and wish I was brave enough to ask, but I don’t.

He walks me back to the car (chivalrous) and he says “you are the right height to put my arm around” (he is quite a lot taller than me). I start to sense that he is going to try and get up close and physical once we reach the car and I feel the discomfort in my gut. Sure enough when we arrive at the car I go in for the hug goodbye and he reaches down for the kiss – AWKWARD!! This man I have known for about an hour, why would he think I would want to kiss him already….. maybe this is one of the lessons for me to learn?? I really have no clue.  I let him brush my lips and then I move back to the hug and say thank you (what for I am not exactly sure). He comments that “you really are tactile aren’t you”, referring to an earlier comment I had made. Yes I am tactile, but in the right time and place and my frustration is that men try to rush this. It’s not like we are tipsy at a nightclub and after dancing up close to each other the chemistry sizzles and we have a pash. I’m not 18 anymore, although in some ways I wish I was. Do I have too many barriers, rules and defences to succeed at this dating thing….. time will tell.