Can we really find love online? In this modern technological world, the hype is that you can. So, I persist.
After my last first lunch date I realise that I am not overly excited about this person and wait to see if I hear from him. I decide to change my profile and write a very long version of who I am. Let’s see if that attracts anyone different. Weirdly he messages me on the site even though he has my phone number… perhaps it is easier to write a bit more rather than try to put it in a text. We have a general chat. He doesn’t ask any questions other than how my week was travelling. Then I get an invitation for a second date. His suggestion is a good one as I love exploring places around the Coast on foot so I agree and also decide that perhaps he is worth a second chance. I suggest I bring along a picnic breakfast to share and wonder if that is sending the wrong “romance” message to him. Nevertheless I make an effort to go shopping for some goodies that I think he might like. I really enjoy that.
Second date time arrives and I am not the least bit excited or looking forward to it. Not a good sign. Part of the reason for this may be that since accepting the date I have been asked by someone else who I had been chatting with to meet for a walk and breakfast the following day. Maybe my updated profile actually worked! He says he read my “book, aka profile”and didn’t think many would make it to the end. I’m impressed then and very excited to meet him so my poor second date becomes second best in my heart. Is that really fair to him? I reason that it is still a nice social outing with a new person otherwise we both might be sitting at home on the couch. It still feels a bit unfair though.
My philosophy around online dating is that until you have been out with someone a couple of times and decided that it is a potential relationship you want to pursue, then chatting and meeting with others is ok. For both the men and the women. I do believe though that once you have seen someone more than a couple of times it is fair to pause your online searching and chatting to give the new fledgling relationship a fair go.
Ok, so second date goes much as I expected. Nice but no chemistry, gaps in conversation with nothing much in common to talk about and then another awkward refused intimate moment. I’m hot, sweaty, a bit breathless, with morning breath after walking a few kms through the bush and we stop to look at the map for directions. He takes the opportunity to move in for a romantic embrace and kiss and I take a step back mumbling something like, “I’m not feeling that way, sorry” and then we keep walking. I really feel for the guy. I mean I know it takes guts to make the first move and to have it rejected must feel bloody awful. As we walk I try to ease his possible embarrassment or hurt and say, “I’m really sorry about that but I think this is just friendship for me, not enough chemistry, which I realise is probably not what you want. But “friendship is good” he says glumly, “friendship is lovely” with a hint of sarcasm. So the long walk back to the car where we make superficial small talk about the bush, the weather, the birds, etc. Maybe this prolonged second date wasn’t such a good idea after all. Had I given him the wrong impression with a) my agreement to a second date and b) my sweet little breakfast picnic? This is where I wish I had a male dating guru that could tell me if I have given off the wrong signals.
So many questions roll around in my head about my openness to a relationship and the choices I’m making. Here is a nice, gentle and humble man who thinks I’m lovely and wants to spend time with me but I reject him. He doesn’t light my fire, but should that really matter to begin with?? All the different books out there on dating give conflicting advice – Go with your gut instinct as it’s usually right; Don’t settle for something less because it is a safe bet and the only thing on offer; Don’t listen to your first instinct as it may be wrong if you have always chosen the wrong men; Chemistry isn’t always instant; If you don’t feel some kind of attraction or spark then you can’t force it to happen; ARGHHHH!!!
Well I’m going to stick to the path I have chosen – listen to my gut instinct, don’t feel guilty if I have to let someone down, keep looking for what I really want and remember that dating is a numbers game. Date with man number 2 is waiting and I actually can’t wait but must contain my excitement for fear of being disappointed.