Oh our last chapter from the delightful Ellejay.
So here it is, the final chapter in the ‘Inviting Love In’ series. Last time I wrote I had just met a really wonderful guy and had taken a leap of faith to reach out to him not knowing anything much about his circumstances. Was he married? Was he looking for love? Was he even interested?
Well, after an agonising 5 day wait his email reply was sitting in my inbox. I just sat and looked at the unread email for quite a few minutes wondering what might be contained within it. It was a good sign, I thought, that he had replied at least. But now to find out what he said……
The contents didn’t quite match my expectations. What was I expecting exactly? Probably something in the negative if the truth be told and you know what they say, “what you think about you bring about”. Hmmm. Yes he had a partner. He was clearly flattered by my interest and was very sweet in letting me down gently by inviting me to stay in touch as, “we can never have too many friends”. Ah, the disappointment, but also the relief in a strange way. I now didn’t have to navigate the ‘getting to know you’ bit. Sigh. On with my life I go. Still single.
Since then I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my two most recent interactions with lovely men and am so grateful for the experience. Even though there may be disappointment that things didn’t go the way I wanted them to, I realised that the Universe was showing me there are good men out there. Question was, did I really feel like I was ready for an available one to cross my path? Despite all the years of therapy and working on myself, there was still the nagging belief that I wasn’t good enough, or that true love wasn’t available to me.
Time and time again I have been shown in a myriad of ways that loving and accepting yourself is the key to not only inner peace but to attracting the right mate. I think I had only paid this ‘loving yourself’ idea lip service. So for the past several weeks that is exactly what I have been doing. No more looking outwardly for love to come to me but to give it to myself. Most suggestions of ways to love yourself revolve around taking long luxurious bubble baths, getting massages, eating healthily and getting enough sleep. Whilst all of these pursuits are fantastic and will bring you a sense of wellbeing, none of them actually get to the root cause of us being needy for love – our inner voice.
I heard it said recently that the most conversations you will ever have will be with yourself. All day, every day, we are talking to ourselves and for a lot of women, criticising ourselves. We say the harshest things to ourselves without even being aware of it and show ourselves very little kindness and compassion (some key ingredients of love). Not taking notice of that little voice in our head that tells us we are too fat, too thin, too bossy, not smart enough, too disorganised, not pretty enough, etc, etc(and the list goes on) is a sure way to let these beliefs become ingrained in who we are. Once these pesky beliefs are embedded, they are a major contributing factor to deterring anyone worthy of our love.
My quest over the past few months has been to work on quieting those voices in my head. Trying to catch those thoughts as they arise and squash them immediately with big stomping boots and implant something more empowering -REALLY loving myself. I have surrounded my environment with little love heart notes of affirmation that I am good enough, loveable, make a difference, add value and am great just as I am. My daughter thinks I’ve completely flipped my wig but what an important lesson I am also teaching her. No more criticising of myself. More feeling in love with myself. Hugging myself. Smiling at myself. Letting those loving feelings that I might have towards someone else wash over me with gratitude and respect. I have persisted in life through some major ups and downs. I have raised a beautiful family. I have kept a roof over my head and been meaningfully employed for almost 40 years. I have been a beautiful mother, daughter, sister, auntie, friend and colleague. Not without mistakes of course. But always have tried my best. I have a good and kind heart. I want the best for people and see the best in people. I am loved by many people. I gave up criticising others, blaming and judging many years ago. Time I cut myself the same amount of slack. At the end of the day the only person we really can rely on, the one person that will be with us for our entire lives until our last breath, is ourselves.
Inviting Love In? Yes I have. My own love. I wish the same for you.