It’s the end of the school year for many, heading towards a break from work, maybe, some time off looming on the horizon. It’s the season for drinks with friends, a time to catch up over a leisurely BBQ or a seafood lunch. It sounds so civilised, doesn’t it? Swan from get together to gathering, swap a few pressies, don’t have to do the school lunches or organise an outfit for work. So why is everyone so stressed? The heat in Queensland perhaps? The trauma of tracking down this year’s Lego Advent calendar or Heston Blumenthal’s pudding? Elf on a bloody Shelf!
It’s not called the silly season for nothing. The combination of financial, emotional, physical and mental stress is significant for many people. If you find yourself wanting to rock quietly in a cupboard rather than face Christmas, there are a few strategies you can use to keep yourself from going Christmas crackers.
Set your budget early – Setup a Secret Santa with the rest of the family and set a limit for the gift. Maybe buy only for the kids. Limiting the presents helps reduce the stress of shopping, and encourages the day to be less about “stuff”. Start an account just for Christmas spending. Check your cupboards before you start shopping – do you really need more paper or cards?
You can say no – While you do need to consider other people’s feelings, you are not responsible for their happiness or for meeting their expectations. If going over the top at Christmas truly makes you happy, go for it. If you are committing yourself to activities to make others happy, rethink what you would like. Compromise if you are comfortable, or say no thanks.
Past behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour – Don’t expect others to behave differently, just because it’s Christmas.
Accept that others may have a different vision – You can’t rely on others to make you happy. If you are surrounded by Grinches, know before you get to Christmas that you need to lower your expectations of others for the season. Keep your sense of humour.
Spread the responsibility – Ask others to pitch in, if you are the host. Ask someone to be responsible for checking that everyone has a drink, or plan a buffet so everyone can help themselves. Be realistic – if it is too hot for a roast, then it is too hot for a roast!
You can’t change other people, and you aren’t responsible for their choices – You can’t stop other people from making a scene/overindulging/rehashing the past. You can make the choice to walk away, though. Think about what responsibility is yours in a situation. It’s the only part you have any control over. If you’ve been keeping score or competing – stop. Choose the high road.
Put together a timeline – If you want to fit as much in as possible, go through the day, allocating how long things will take. Don’t forget time for relaxing and talking! You may find you want to simplify to get more time with the people you care about.
Be honest – With yourself, with your family, with your friends. If you are struggling – and many people do at this time of year – admitting it can relieve the burden. If you aren’t looking forward to the season, it’s ok to let others know. Ask for help if you need it – professionally or from a friend. Seek out activities that don’t focus on Christmas. Take up a new hobby. Organise to go to the movies. Stock up on library books. Write your memoirs. Go camping.
Start a new tradition – as time passes, things change. Trying to make Christmas the same as when the kids were four is setting yourself up for disappointment if they are now teenagers who may not be up before lunch. And check in with older members of the family too; they may need help putting up decorations or shopping in crowded centres. If you only catch up with friends at Christmas, take the stress off social engagements and have Christmas in July with them instead.
It’s just one day – Christmas only lasts for one day. It will pass.
Embrace the meaning of the season – Be kind. To others, and especially to yourself. Merry Christmas!
