End of year exams, study, part-time jobs, formal, sport, school lunches, clean uniforms, getting a driver’s licence – raising young adults is hard work and often more time consuming and anxiety inducing than raising toddlers. Or juggling knives. Blind folded. But you made it. Congratulations!
Having spent the better part of the last twenty years raising a child, relinquishing some responsibility for them should be easy. You want to celebrate the best part of raising children – seeing them become independent, fly the nest and venture out into the world. Many parents will admit that the feeling is bittersweet. They experience the pride, joy and happiness that their child is reaching adulthood; they also experience the loss that comes with change and the realisation that the kids aren’t little anymore. And that we’re old. Or at least feeling old. Really old. You have probably already been relegated to the role of embarrassing parent, complete with eye rolling and deathly silences, especially if you have ever dropped them off in the wrong spot at school (or God forbid, Right. In. Front. Of. Everyone!)
It’s hard to believe you will miss the turmoil, wardrobe criticism (how am I supposed to know that “no one wears that anymore” now?) and walking on eggshells that accompany the teenage years. There are theories that teenagers are generally awful to parents to make it easier to let them go. They are finding their place in the world, outside of the family unit.
Now is often the time for reflection. Have we raised them well? Did we get it right? There is sometimes a sense of panic that they won’t be able to cope. Relax – that is what Skype and mobile phones are for. Children in trouble have a knack for finding their parents. And failing that – Google, YouTube and 000 covers pretty much everything else.
“Empty Nest Syndrome” refers to the grief parents experience when their children leave home. When your last child leaves home, you are essentially made redundant from a long held job. Feeling lost, disorientated and worthless is normal. While you are still mum and dad, the responsibility for your child’s day to day life has shifted. It takes time to adapt to the new normal, with the routines around school, study, sport and your children’s social life has ended. It can take as long as two years to adapt to any major change; an ‘empty nest’ is no different.
Reclaiming time and space (assuming they took their stuff with them – good luck with that!) for yourself is important. Consider what your needs are now. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge what has been achieved. Prioritising your health and exercise routine now is more important than ever. Good physical health helps to support a healthy mind, and to regulate any stress, anxiety and depression you may experience. Get to know yourself again. Enjoy using the bathroom without being yelled at, fill the fridge less than seven times a week, read a book or watching a whole movie. Uninterrupted. There may be many movies from the 1990’s of which the ending is still a mystery. Not Disney ones, though, I bet.
Personally, I can’t wait to go and visit them, just so I can mess up the bathroom, leave the bed unmade and the fridge empty.
