Let It Go!
The Power of Surrender
Firstly, apologies to everyone who read the title and immediately shuddered. Disney has a lot to answer for, I know. Further apologies if that song is now stuck in your head. Again. I don’t even have small children anymore, and still haven’t been able to successfully avoid hearing it repeatedly. I have to admit, though, that the chorus pops in to my mind from time to time. Let it go…it can make a good theme song, especially when you are battling with worry and stress.
Learning to pick my battles was a revelation to me as an adult. A social justice veteran, defending the underdog has always been in my nature. It’s only through hindsight that I have been able to appreciate that I’m not responsible for the choices others make; that while I am responsible for my actions, I am not responsible for other people’s happiness. How other people feel is beyond my control. I also do not control traffic, the weather, other people’s children, and what they serve at restaurants. I did not cause the situation in the Middle East either. Those of you who are overly responsible know exactly what I mean.
Control is rooted in fear. We are afraid that if we aren’t in control, something bad will happen. This type of control is an illusion. Don’t waste energy worrying about something that is either inevitable, or won’t happen. Surrender to letting what will happen, happen.
Control is often an exhausting illusion. Worrying about the weather ruining an event, for example. You can’t control the weather. If you have a backup plan so that the event won’t get totally ruined, then let it go. Wasting energy on an outcome you can’t control, like bad weather, is exhausting. Let the worry go, and reclaim the energy. That’s an easy example of course. There are much bigger things that we worry about that we also have no control over, especially when it comes to our relationships with others. Many of us worry about our loved ones, yet we have no control over choices they make. We can influence them, yes. But letting go of the responsibility for the decisions made by others can give you a much calmer life. And yes, mothers, I’m looking at you!
There’s a lightness that comes with the realisation and acceptance of what you can and can’t control. Life is busy, dramatic, hard and complicated – if you are holding the responsibility for more than your share. Being in control is different to having control. Anyone whose life has not gone to plan (and people if it has – please let me know how you managed that!) has had the experience of not having control. People die, jobs end, career paths change, relationships get…complicated. You have little to no control over other people’s choices, politics or inevitable life events. That is when learning to let go – surrendering – can be liberating.
Of course it is easy to say “just let it go”. In real life of course, it takes practice. When you feel the stress and overwhelm of needing control, and fear of what will happen if you don’t have control, don’t just accept those emotions. Take the time to think about why you feel so stressed, afraid or overwhelmed. What is it about this situation that is in your control, and what is inevitable? Accept the responsibility that is yours, put your energy into doing something to address the situation, then let go of what is not. External forces (other people, the weather, traffic for example) are not controlled by you. If you are worried about being late because of traffic, manage it as best you can, and then let it go. Anticipating stress or a bad outcome is a waste of energy. If you have taken responsibility for those things you can control, and the outcome is now inevitable, relax. Literally. Take a deep breath and be in the moment. Surrender! We don’t live somewhere in the past or future – be here now.
Life is too short to waste time and energy being stressed about things that will either happen anyway, or never happen. Deal with it when it does. It takes practice, but for the energy and calm that you can claim back, it is well worth it. Let it go, let it go…
