You know how the day is going to go by your attitude. You know when you have to drag yourself into the kitchen to begin the day that you are not at the top of your game. It’s Monday. I love my work. I love my work colleagues. I have my own very gorgeous office – not 40th floor on Wall Street like in the show “Suits” but better. I love my kids. I have been sick with a cold for so long and every time I cough I pee my pants. I wake up coughing. I go to sleep coughing. I smell of Vicks. I start. We have no dishwasher and I actually don’t mind that. I put away last nights roasts chicken and veges dishes. I fill the sink with hot soapy water for the brekkie dishes. I make ham bread rolls and assemble the 60cm by 30cm lunch box that is youngest sons with the rolls, the 3 pieces of fruit, the cake, the freshly cooked pasta and don’t forget the fork, the ice brick etc. I check we have enough for dinner – enchilada ingredients check. I start cleaning up as I go. Where is this going? My son starts reciting a beautiful American speech about if you haven’t tried you are too scared. You must dream … Etc in the voice of Martin Luther and I say: “no it’s not that they are scared – they are tired – they are single mothers and they are tired – they don’t have time to try new stuff because they are exhausted!” Bad Mother moment. Didn’t go down well with a comment about how I’m not really and how I’ve only been a single mother for a year….not true and that’s a whole other blog. We get over that tricky hurdle as he eats his Nutri Grain – he’s a nice boy and is used to me by now getting on my soap box. He has some bubble and squeak heated in front of him which he declines. I am left to think what a miserable mood I’m in. But I am tired. I am really tired. I am really tired of being everything to everyone. I am really tired of the constant that is motherhood. The shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, and oh the driving – I’m so sick of the driving. One to work. One to hairdresser. One from work. One to footy. One on L’s so it’s driving lessons. And I only have two! I am so proud of them both and so glad they are achieving their goals – they are much nicer and more productive people than I will ever be. But I’m tired of the constant need to be available. I know this is the most common theme with all Mums these days. I know it’s because they are nearly done and independent. But in my youth – Mum did the house and Dad brought in the money and organised our trips and sport. This is why I have a bad attitude. Because I am tired of doing both. But, as I write this, I know I seem ungrateful but I’m not. I’m very grateful daily. I know I’m lucky. And by the time I get dressed I will be ok again. It’s just that you can’t be upbeat all the time. A friend lost her dad yesterday. I’m so very glad I still have both my parents. Two close friends have lost children. I am so very grateful daily mine are not just well and strong but happy and nice and here with me. I know people that have had terrible accidents and daily I am grateful I am strong and capable of earning a living and have the privilege of enjoying my food and wine and friends in a lovely home with a few dollars for coffee. But today, for just a couple of hours, I wanted a whinge. Now, that is done and I’m off, Tena in bag, Codral in stomach, Earl Grey in handbag ready to face the day. Thanks for listening to my whinge – enjoy your day. (Ps. I purposely did not put paragraphs in this blog because that is how I talk – I rarely take a breath)
