Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capacity of individuals to recognize their own, and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour. (1)
One of the ways to test for EQ is the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test (MSCEIT) which is based on a series of emotion-based problem-solving items. (2.3) Some learned people do not believe EQ is measurable and any testing is fallible.
An easier way to test accurately in my view is to just go into a public place and people watch – or Aldi –it’s cheaper, easier – not as scientifically accurate but probably still on the money. Women often appear much better at this and perhaps possess the skill genetically. But within that broad generalisation it is not dissimilar to IQ in the way some people have lots of it, some have none and most are in the middle somewhere. And similarly to people with a very high IQ though who can rarely relate with people with low IQ, the same applies to EQ – If you have a very high EQ, people with low EQ probably annoy you immensely.
For Example – There is a guy in front of me at the doctor right now watching utube on his phone, quite loudly. He is totally unaware of anyone’s proximity and how they might be feeling emotionally or physically. There is a good chance they are not their best based on the location. He continues and then he starts talking on his phone, with a cold, sniffing loudly. I know how he is feeling but he has absolutely no idea I am even there – let alone how I am feeling – not that he needs to know about my life, but anyone with high EQ has their radar up around others. Strangely enough I rarely meet people with high EQ in the reception at Doctors Surgeries. Not sure if they are employed because they are not tuned in or they become indifferent after some time in their job.
Now, if I was here with my mother, she would not have been annoyed at all. She would not have understood my increasing anxiety and it would not have bothered her at all. If I was here with my partner he would have ‘got it’ but it wouldn’t have annoyed him, he would recognise it as rudeness but not taken it on board. If I was here with my two sons, one would totally get it, the other would be doing the same but louder.
To explain EQ another way – You go to a sporting event, you buy great seats, you get there early, you have everything you need, and then, just before kickoff, a young lady decides to stand up. She is right between you and the score board. People with high EQ just would not DO that. They are so focused on the fact that there are 80,000 people at the stadium – all who have paid for tickets, all who are excited and this may be a once in a lifetime opportunity for them, that they would do anything to ensure they do not hinder that moment. High EQ’ers would lie on the floor rather than block someone’s view. Not emotional? Go to a footy game and see if you can find any emotion…
EQ’ers will never jump a queue, never take the best seat, always ensure their guests are comfortable, will always put their needs last, they are great party hosts, event organisers, wedding planners, and are disturbingly self critical.
If you don’t want anyone to ask questions about your well being when you are upset, don’t go near the high EQ’er because they will know something is wrong. They will continue until they find out what it is and how they can help. They will empathise and do anything they can to remove your pain.
They will often over-react to a real or perceived slight as they are so tuned in they can mistakenly believe a restrained person is holding back or snubbing them and take it personally.
High EQ’ers know their limitations, are aware of their over-sensitivity to their own and others emotional well being, but to limit themselves is to fail others. Watch them at a party, they are genuinely interested in the people they are talking to – they care and want to feel something for them. Or if you are on the opposite end of the scale, you can leave a party and know nothing more about the people who attended than when you arrive.
So whether you carry on, blissfully unaware of the hundreds of people you have affronted or are carrying the burden of carefully avoiding hurting anyone, we are all important and the world needs us. Whatever your EQ, it won’t hurt to tune in a little more sometimes, it could make someone’s day or change their world.
- ^ a b Coleman, Andrew (2008). A Dictionary of Psychology (3 ed.). Oxford University Press. ISBN 9780199534067.
- ^ a b c Salovey, P; Grewal, D (2005). “The Science of Emotional Intelligence”. Current Directions in Psychological Science
- Mayer, J.D.; Salovey, P.; Caruso, D.R.; Sitarenios, G. (2003). “Measuring emotional intelligence with the MSCEIT V2.0”. Emotion3: 97–105.
