I read a Facebook post today that said: “that awkward moment when you go to call your best friend to tell them some exciting news ….then remember you don’t have one”.
While others might be sad to see this or may think how can that possibly be -I totally understand this. She is from another town and has moved several times and changed jobs. Often when you move, change jobs, change towns, change lifestyles, start relationships, have children or your children leave the nest, you feel you have to re-invent yourself all over again. You need to prove yourself constantly and people only get a one dimensional view of you – the view they see now.
If you have friends for years and even decades so much is taken for understood and you are excused for your small indiscretions. They’ll say: Oh that’s just Jane’s way of ……. Oh well you know Karen does that …… You don’t have to recreate your past to express who you are you just enjoy life in the moment.
You have your primary school friends, then your high school friends, and then you often move towns for work or love, so you have your 20’s friends, then you have your 30’s friends who have babies at the same time, then playgroup Mum friends, the rest of your children’s schooling friend Mums, your new work friends – again, then there’s the divorced and single friends for some, then you refind the friends from all those eras again on FaceBook and then you find your ‘soulmate’ if you are widowed or divorced and that’s your focus then it’s your travel friends, your grey nomad friends then I guess your retirement village friends – whew – generalising here but in a lot of cases you can relate to more than half.
In each case if you don’t find a common interest with these groups you can be lonely. They can all cause angst initially, but by going through all this you are creating the person you are going to become. In the end you will be wiser, deeper, more multi-faceted and more compassionate because of all your experiences good or bad and you will eventually find your niche – it might be at 20 or 50 or 80.
Some of us are terribly lucky including me to have wonderful friends from primary school – 50 years this year since first grade and we still try to meet regularly – they are remarkable women. I also have terrific friends from all the other eras in my life and love their company and friendship. I appreciate every one of them and I am grateful to have them all in my life. One of the photos is of a school friend who I was bridesmaid for 30 years ago and we are still great friends – seen here catching up at the Rainbow Beach Surf Club Re-Union recently.
I also have another group. We are called the ‘H.A.W.S’ . Just to clarify, we are way too old for the oldest profession in the world – it stands for Health and Wealth Sisters. Our plan was be incredibly healthy and wealthy –we even had a HAWS Charter – well – we all put on weight and got poorer but it’s been fabulous fun. We are all fair, female, fabulous, and over fifty. We say the f word a bit when together, we like family, fun, food, friendship, frivolity and even though it doesn’t start with F – wine.
We got together through tragedy 5 years ago – and we are now firm friends who are there for each other through good or bad. It is wonderful to have such support outside your immediate family. I wish everyone a group like the H.A.W.S. and I know women do it so well.
Two of us have moved towns since we first got together but we all catch up when we can. One girl lives in the middle of the Australian desert; One girl lives in Gympie and loves cruising on big ships several times a year; One girl is a pommy from Blackpool who lives on the Sunshine Coast and has 3 jobs; I live on the Sunshine Coast, am self employed and love my unit on the Maroochy River and there is another Pommy from London who lives in Pomona and loves spending as long as she can each year in Ubud, Indonesia.
Our first get together was on the Sunshine Coast 5 years ago. I knew all the girls and felt one of my friends needed support and this group of girls could give it to her as they were all caring, kind, worldly and empathetic which was greatly needed at the time. I was living on a farm at the time near Gympie. The week-end we had planned to get together was raining – actually flooding was predicted and if that was the case we wouldn’t be able to get out of town. At 5am, I decided nothing was stopping me, the river had gone down a little on a back road, just enough for me to have a try without having to go through any water. I rang Miss Pomona and said I’m on my way. She rang Miss Maleny (who is now in the desert) and said we are on our way, who then rang Miss Sunny Coast (who was hosting us) and said – they are on their way so we all converged on the Sunshine Coast for the night. (Miss Gympie did not come to that one- she joined us for the next one)
We stayed for 3 nights ……we were all flooded out of our towns now and could not get home….oh it was fabulous. We laughed so hard, slept little, bonded, drank wine, chatted, cried, listened and ate lots of wonderful food. It was cathartic, much needed, fun. And it just worked. I think because it was guilt free as we had no choice but to stay and so we made the most of it.
After that long week-end we then met once a month at each other’s homes. One night a month one of us had to host the H.A.W.S. – the wine and cheese were mandatory, along with laughs, utter nonsense and we introduced the ‘you must all bring a gift for each other’. So we each bought 5 x $5 gifts and wrapped them, put them in a bag and everyone chose one at the start of each get together. It might be bangles, soap, hair towels, badges (I still have my ‘little miss naughty’ badge), anklets, chocolates or even 2nd hand jewellery we no longer wanted – but it was a pressie and we didn’t get many of them. The most amazing thing is – everyone picked the one the buyer meant for them – it was amazing – eg if there were 5 different colours we all picked the one meant for us.
So, the H.A.WS. were born and still remain strong 5 years later through ups and downs and moves and job changes and children growing up and everything you can imagine. As I said, I know a lot of ladies have the same sort of groups who travel overseas together once a year or to different Australian destinations each year and I really think it is so good for your mind, body and soul. So thanks to all my groups of girlfriends – it’s been a blast and there’s still plenty more to come. We would love to hear YOUR friendship stories. xxx
