If looks are the Currency of 2016 – then I feel the invisibility cloak I received at about 40 might be working overtime this year. I hear from lots of women my age how they feel invisible now at counters, in café’s, in queue’s, in the business world, in the streets and basically everywhere. Some say they like it as it allows them to be themselves while others feel it is insulting as they were no more intelligent, funny, hard working or well dressed as they are now but they are just ‘over the hill’, ‘invisible’, ‘outdated’ and their opinion now is ignored.
I’m not sure where you sit but for me I must admit I think it was easier when you had doors that opened, mistakes that were forgotten, faux pars which were ignored, and more opportunities that knocked when I still had the right currency. I was however like a number of my peers 30 kilos lighter, had legs to die for and still had all my teeth which might be relevant. I do actually now get doors opened for me but only in my private life.
I’m not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse have been borne into a generation which is so young at heart and want to remain that way while our bodies let us down. I remember Mum saying to me when I was a teenager – so 35 plus years ago – “you know I don’t FEEL any different inside, I just get a shock when I look in the mirror’ and that’s how I feel when I catch an old lady staring back at me in shops. And Mum was and still is very fashionable, fit and fabulous. There are however challenges in trying to be 20 at 50 – with bones and muscles that no matter what you say are not as strong and flexible as when we were 20 – and as such are not happy when pushed to the limit – trust me I never try to find out but I know people who have.
I find it difficult watching middle aged women trying to rip off their cloaks instead of finding a way to enjoy them. I also find it difficult watching women who don’t know where they fit, and that seems to be prevalent with our age group. We had so many fulfilling roles from the age of 16 or 17 and juggled them all with passion and determination often to our own detriment but for the sake of our children or our reputation. Now we are still young but we are now realizing we are mortal like generations before us, however unlike them we don’t have the means to fulfill lifelong dreams.
With so many broken families it is now the minorities that have their ducks in a row. At this time in our life when women are supposed to be financially independent with our own homes and money to leave to the next generation – so many are battling to just pay the rent and put food on the table. There are few winners in a non nuclear family and certainly financial casualty is one common thread that affects so many women. Often they give up everything for their children and then when they leave the nest they have nothing. A solution is needed and I don’t know what it is – but maybe women need to get better advice before they leave the family home.
On the plus side, there seems to be many people finding their passion where I live in the best part of the world on the Sunshine Coast, in Queensland, Australia. It is full of people finding their mojo again. So many 50 plus men and women are taking up cycling, running, walking, stand up paddle boarding and starting new careers out of the Corporate World they have known for ¾ of their life. The cafe scene and wine bars cater to our love of caffeine and wine and are filled with ladies groups laughing heartily at some hysterically witty comment. Everyone has a twinkle in their eye when someone says “is it too early for a bubbly” or they hear a cork pop.
So I guess we can start to find our way by remembering how good it feels to be involved in this wonderful life and so cloak or not it is about us and we must find our own joy. I think it’s a matter of getting out there and grasping life with both hands and being in good physical shape so you cope with life much better physically, emotionally and spiritually. I also believe you need to live in the moment, get your courage back and embrace life. We are young, we are lucky and we just maybe need some kind words from others to get us back on the horse – so offer them to the next 40 plus woman you meet and you will make her day and she will realise she is not invisible at all. Xx mwah
