So I remember one of the few funny things I said to my mum some months after my first son was born. “Oh I used to think I was soooo busy clicking through the Plaza with my stiletto’s on tsk tsking at the mums with prams who had nothing else to do with their day – I was soooo important – excuuuuse me – I am very very busy“ I thought.
It was a rude shock to me becoming a mother, not that I didn’t plan it but the reality. And it continues to be to this day – they are 17 and 15. Those women I had poo pooed were doing it all, would continue to do it all, and I learned to become one too and I am eternally grateful. The other thing I remember saying was: “if I don’t do anything else in this world, this is my finest achievement and I can die happy”.
I had never had a lot to do with children at all – ever – so had absolutely no concept of what to do. I lived away from family for the first 12 months, there was no internet, FaceBook and anything to connect people except the phone and that was costly. You couldn’t really have visitors because that meant you had to have a shower, clean the house, dress the child, feed the child, change the child etc and it was way too hard so I battled on and found it incredibly insulating.
What made it harder was when I did surface, I was not prepared for the ‘advice’ and the ‘judgment’ and the competition within the child rearing world. Looking back I would have handled the psychological part of the job much better with websites like SAHM where there are thousands of women in the same space and much more honesty within the ranks than even 15 years ago.
But I was blessed for a couple of reasons – I had exceptionally handsome sons, (I can say that) and they also towered over the other kids. The eldest’s feet were enormous so I could do the Mona Lisa smile and say “size 10” when he was 10 and I had learnt the drill – take anything even if you had nothing to do with it. This opened many doors for both my sons and continues to do so to this day.
My other blessing was I didn’t work outside the home until later except some bookwork, and I was good at budgeting. (ha my mother will say – but I was then!) We lived on $400 a week and we did ok when they were little. Staying at home meant I could cook everything from scratch and they never went without homemade cookies, cakes, slices, bread, stews, etc etc. We had a farm so I got some meat from there, and there was lots of fresh fruit and veges at the local markets – you can be frugal when they are little as long as you mix with your own social demographic.
I guess the one thing I did was I had no life. I focused solely on the children and I think that is why we have such an open and good relationship now. I wouldn’t recommend it but you take what you have and find the best in it. For me it was healthy, strong, well adjusted, fit, handsome, accomplished young boys who I felt had all the opportunities I could possibly give them. I was lucky my family had a beach house at Rainbow Beach, so they learnt to love the freedom of the beach at an early age and appreciate this as a luxury not afforded to all. They also got to mix with their cousins and learn from my role models, my parents who are still extraordinary people.
That is probably the biggest blessing, if you are brought up with principles, knowledge, integrity, awareness, rules and respect as I was, it is easy to then pass that on. I was a lot softer than my parents but I could be and the world was different. I was also a much older mum; I didn’t have my first child until 36 so although I mentally had more to offer I think physically it was harder. I also have never lost the 36 kilo’s I put on with my first pregnancy – true story!
But I did find it a very tough journey, it was very lonely, very scary at times, very stressful not knowing if your decisions were right and for the right reasons, but I was also lucky to have incredibly good friends, and people watching out for me if I fell, which so many ladies don’t have.
The result is I am at peace. My sons are on the right track and they are good people. I thought that being such an older mum when they were born, when they went off to Uni I would be OLD but low and behold – I am still a spring chicken and embarking on yet ANOTHER fabulous journey of my own!
I will never be able to repay the kindness shown by the amazing people who have helped us on our journey but I will always be grateful you helped shaped my sons lives. Thank you. Mwah xx
