After an emotional week, saying goodbye to yet another Mentor in my life, it made me start to think about these people and why they become such an important part of your life and how goodbye is never goodbye with these special people.
At its core, being a mentor is being a trusted advisor. It can mean a lot of different things, but it all boils down to making yourself available to support and advise someone when they need it, delivering that support in a way that makes sense to them, and always, always keeping that person’s best interests in mind.
This doesn’t have to be someone at work, although it certainly could be. But mentors come in all shapes and sizes: It can be your manager, a colleague, a parent, a friend, a coach, a college professor … anyone who’s been a particularly excellent advisor at some point in your life.
Now, think of what made them stand out to you?
Was it the example they set? That you felt like they really understood your communication style, your working style, or your goals? That they seemed to always point you to the right resources or give you the right advice when you needed it?
Is it the fact that they facilitate, rather than manage?
Facilitating involves sharing ideas, providing resources and offering sage advice when appropriate but not solving problems for the mentoree. “How do I assist my mentoree to gain what s/he needs to resolve the issue for themselves?”–that’s the mantra of a good mentor.
I personally, think it is a lot more than just the textbook definition of a good mentor. There is an emotional connection that these people bring out in you, that makes you the best person you can be without even trying and without you even realizing it.
When I think about my first mentor, who I was lucky enough to re-connect with after 25 years apart, there is something there that no words can explain. I have tried over the years to pin this down into works, but it is impossible. This person was and still is, outwardly happy and exudes enthusiasm for life, which just rubs off on others. He was always laughing and making us laugh and has not changed a bit. Not once over the years did I ever hear him reprimand anyone or have to pick someone up for lack of performance, as he had everyone working overtime for free to overachieve, as our performance effected his reputation and income and we all did it without hesitation.
My second mentor was totally the opposite of the first. I was constantly terrified of this person but at the same time, I was in awe of him as well. He was always angry, a chain smoker and full of anxiety. He could accomplish amazing things and left the rest of us for dust. He was also a workaholic who would be in at 8am and still be there at 10pm at night but his sales were double than even our best salesperson. It drove me insane to the point that I had to step up to the challenge and find a way to tap into his skill set. One day, he forced me to go so far out of my comfort zone with a customer, I actually told the customer the whole story. Needless to say I came back to the office with the sale and he was completely stunned that I had managed to do it. He was a mentor because he pushed me hard at a very young age to go beyond my comfort zone to get the result.
The mentor I have now had to say goodbye to, was again, different the other two. In fact, more than a mentor, he was someone I looked up to for his leadership skills. Managing a group of girls and guys from different age brackets and backrounds and again had the ability to bring out our best results without the need to be constantly monitoring and phoning and harassing us daily. We all knew what was expected and we got on with it. When he took over the team, their was a great deal of unhappiness and disharmony. When he left, we had the most amazing happy team with fantastic results. He had empathy for our personal situations and was extremely fair and in return, we all had no hesitation in going the extra mile and putting ourselves out when he asked.
So you can see, while all my mentors have been different, they all have a common denominator. They all worked hard and led by example, but also took into our account our personalities and our backrounds to bring out the best in our work standards and our teamwork to create a fantastic well oiled ship, that sailed along all on it’s own. Believe me, this a lot harder than it looks.
So while it has been sad to leave my mentors and say goodbye, it’s as the saying goes…….
“It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never have loved at all. “
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