This article is written by one of our readers. It was so powerful and heartfelt we decided to publish it. It is her story, she is not asking for anything except that the cycle stops and women stop enabling this to happen – she clearly and totally acknowledges the mens role in events, but is talking to the women. She has been left feeling heartbroken, foolish, lacking trust,and wondering about the sisterhood that is supposed to exist in the world. This is her story.
OTHER WOMEN NEED TO STOP EMPOWERING MEN TO CHEAT
Firstly, in no way is this story about defending the men that cheat and blaming the other women, both are equal in their duplicity and damaging behaviour. However, as women we should stand together to make these women who see it as fair game to go after another women’s man understand that their behaviour will not be tolerated or ignored. We need to hold them as accountable as the men they are encouraging to cheat on their partners. We should hold our gender to a high standard and in doing so we take away the power we have given to these men to behave in such a reprehensible and damaging manner.
I was in what I believed was a committed and loving relationship for 4 years. After a very nasty divorce it had taken me many years to get to the point I felt I was willing to try a new relationship and learn how to trust a man again – but I was extremely apprehensive, especially as there were children involved. The man I was with had made the commitment to take on a step-father role to my two teenage children.
Throughout this relationship this man certainly knew how to play the role. He was attentive, loving, caring, supportive to me and stepped up to the challenges of being a stepfather figure. I was constantly told how I had made him a better man, how lucky we were to have found each other and to have a love that many people don’t ever find, that he had never loved anyone ever as much as he loved me. He knew exactly what to say, and I fell for it all, hook, line and sinker.
Although I was careful not to financially support this man, I certainly propped him up big time during the 3 years of his bankruptcy, I helped him start up and market a business and generally was paramount in getting him from the lowest point of his life, to one of the highest points – realising a life-long dream to start up this business. As the man moved to my region to be with me, it was through my introduction of him to my extensive network that he was able to build the business and his own personal wealth to the level that he did. Without my emotional, financial, intellectual and business skills support/network, he would never have realised any of these dreams, or have been able to afford them.
I wouldn’t say the relationship didn’t have its difficult moments, he had issues with depression and his bankruptcy, we both had teenage children and all the challenges that come with that, I was going through menopause and all the dramas both emotional and physical that come with that, but we barely argued, raised our voices and were generally very loving, demonstrative and supportive of each other and each other’s family.
However, in October last year he asked if he could introduce me to a new member of the business as she wanted to take over the marketing which I was wanting to step back from so I could concentrate on my own work issues more. Upon meeting her, I immediately felt warning bells go off. She was very ambitious and her approach to the business was aggressive and involved being deceitful and underhand with some of the other members possibly leading to them trying to oust some members. I strongly objected to the suggestions being put forward and walked away from the meeting with a real feeling of fear, a gut instinct that told me this single mother was going to be trouble – and boy was I right.
He assured me that he agreed with me, that it wouldn’t be appropriate to disrespect the members that had not only started the venture with him, but had gutted out and decorated the shop and had paid the rent religiously every month for the past two years. All went quiet on the subject, but he did ask me if I would assist the women I had met as she was a struggling single mother trying to start up her own business and because I had an extensive database, would I share it with her so she could contact them? Like a fool I handed the database over without any fee.
However, from then on the relationship changed and he grew more remote despite still being more than willing to have a physical relationship with me. What I failed to see was that he had already been targeted by the other woman and she was undermining me every chance she could until she had her claws well and truly into him – thus the affair commenced without my knowledge. The ‘having to work late” and ‘having to work weekends” started to become more and more frequent and the subtle signs started to show.
On New Year’s Eve we were due to go out of town. He was going to drive back to our home town on the 1st January, and I was staying on holidays for a few days longer with the kids to have a small holiday break. During this time, he kept texting me that he was missing me terribly and wished I was there, how he wanted to spend more quality time with me. At the exact same time he was organising for his mates to traipse through my house without my knowledge, removing anything of his that he had at my place. When the kids and I returned on the 3rd January, we found the back door of the house left wide open so the dog could escape or anyone could have entered the house, and there on the kitchen bench were 3 cards, one for me, one for my 13 year old daughter who had started calling him “dad” and one for my 15 year old son. All basically said “it’s been great but it’s time for me to say goodbye” and that was it! I called him up and demanded he come see us and tell us to our faces what was going on – he did this reluctantly and he very coldly stated that he was moving on, he preferred his own company and felt the relationship had run its course.
As it turned out, he had moved in with the other women – so all this rot about being on his own, was just that, rot. His assurances that there was no-one else were out and out lies. His use for me had run out when his bankruptcy had ended. My parents were due to visit and meet him for the first time and as it turns out he was pretty sure they would see through his con, see him for the cowardly man he was who was only with me to use me, and so he jumped ships to the other woman to avoid this meeting and being discovered for what he was.
To make it worse he walked out taking my old car that he had been using and now refuses to return it. The police say it’s domestic and won’t take a stolen car report so I can’t get it back unless I undertake a costly civil court action. He also left damage to my main vehicle and to certain areas of my house (he was what you would call accident prone) and he is now denying causing any of this damage and refusing to take any financial responsibility for the repairs. When I assured him I would be taking action he threatened me with filing criminal charges for blackmail, extortion, harassment and defamation of both him and the other woman against me unless I shut up. When I mentioned the impact this was going to have on my daughter particularly, his delightful new woman stated, not their concern or problem!
So ladies – if this story upsets you, it is just one of millions. The only way we can stop lives being destroyed and people being hurt is to hold both these cheating men, and the women that facilitate and encourage this behaviour, is to tell them enough is enough and that society just will not accept people that choose to behave in this manner. Shame them and make them realise people want nothing to do with them as long as they continue to behave in such a morally reprehensible manner.