INVITING LOVE IN – WEEK 2
By ElleJay
Ok so it’s been an interesting week in my quest for love. Each night I have made sure to read an affirmation about love and express my gratitude for life. I’m also doing some exercises out of the books I borrowed from the library to really help me get present to my part to play in how my relationships unfold.
It’s a week since I put up an online dating profile, selecting just one site (very hard to do) and trying not to obsess by looking at it every 5 minutes for messages. I tried to begin with the end in mind by putting out there what I was looking for in a visualisation. Since then I have re-written my profile in my head at least a dozen times.
I don’t know why I thought online dating would have changed since I last tried it but somehow I expected a miraculous meeting of like-minds within the first week! WRONG! To be honest it has been a bit slow… a trickle of messages that waned fairly quickly after the first 24 hours so the rush you feel when you see that first notification that you have something in your inbox gets deflated pretty quickly. I have to keep reminding myself not to set too high an expectation and that this journey may not be a rapid one but it will be worth it. Corny phrases like “this is a marathon, not a sprint” come to mind.
I also have to remember that the reviews I read by people that “John was the first person I met online and it was all wonderful and we are still together” if in fact are real at all, are not indicative of most people’s journey. I want to be the exception though rather than the rule!!
The messages received from likely suitors are intriguing…There are the short and to the point, “Hello” or “Hi There”. There are the over the top complimentary ones, “You have the most amazing smile that I just want to look at all day and when I read your profile it was just incredible what a beautiful person you are. I think I may be out of your league”. Then there is the effort at enquiry like, “What are you up to” or “How are you going” which make you wonder where to begin. The ones I think I dislike the most are the ones that demonstrate they haven’t really looked at my profile at all and are probably just throwing out a line to everyone in the vicinity and hoping for a catch, “I’m 35 and not looking for anything serious” or “I’m from Toowoomba” or worse, “Sydney”.
Now, I am aware that I am sounding harsh, judgemental, critical and bitchy. Are my expectations of this online medium set too high? Yes, probably is the short answer. In my defence though, the man I am looking for is someone who reads a profile, has some skills to start a conversation, considers whether or not he fits my criteria and actually makes an effort. The good thing about these kinds of messages is it actually helps them to self select as it is quick and easy to spot those I am not going to answer. Possibly I may miss a gem amongst them, but it’s a risk I’m going to take.
Amongst the thorns though there are the roses and this week I’ve had two really nice men message me and we’ve struck up a conversation. Now all I need is for them to ask me for my number or to meet… but that is another episode x